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Shit Millennials Say and What We Probably Mean

With our novel generation comes a whole slew of mixed words, #hashtags, abbreviations, and random phrases that have somehow taken residence in our everyday lexicon. Despite my efforts to not sound like a total douche, I admittedly use over 50% of the lingo listed below. This is some of the shit millennials say and what we probably mean…

-“Hey sorry I was on the other line”5% of the time you were actually on the other line, 10% of the time you were in the middle of a text and the other 85% of the time you were either too lazy to chat or you were 18 weeks deep creeping some bro’s Instagram and didn’t want to lose your place

“Is tomorrow REALLY Monday??” – A standard question every millennial asks themselves at least a solid seven times on any given Sunday. You know it’s Monday – but like, ‘is it really??

-“I hate everyone” – An aggressive statement used while either sitting in unexplained traffic, during a heated debate where your opinion could literally not matter less, or after being stuck on an elevator with anyone under the age of 12. Hate E-V-E-R-Y-O-N-E

-“Seriously tho like you’re like my best friend “ – A maybe factual, dominantly female, phrase said between friends during a night of booze-filled activities. This drunken conversation is often known to occur while barbarically eating pizza, waiting in the remarkably long girl’s bathroom line, or while bringing up that one token fight you had like 9 years ago but you both “totally” forgive each other.  If you haven’t expressed your undying love to one of your close friends while intoxicated, are you even friends?!!

“Stop I’m literally DYING” – You’re not actually dying or near death you just probably didn’t hear half the shit I said but you know I just ended my story with a bang so you have to say something that validates how great my story was. “OMG stop that was so funny. DYING.”

-“Google it” – The perfect solution for pure laziness or lack of knowledge about something. Don’t know anything about the current political debates? Google it. Don’t know what the hell ‘SMH’ stands for but everyone keeps saying it? *SMH* Google it. Sometimes on rare occasions, you may be put under some serious pressure to know a certain fact in which ‘googling it’ allows you to chime in on the specific topic without looking like a total idiot, making you appear more knowledgeable than you actually are. Which is great.

-“What’s your last name so I can put it in my phone?” – A phrase that tries to hide how creepy you really are. You don’t give a shit if you have their last name in your *already unorganized* phone book (see a snapshot of mine below). All this means is that your binoculars and popcorn are ready and you’re about to stalk their ass on social media.

image-2

-“The struggle is real” – Term typically coupled with the phrase “I can’t even” used by millennials who are experiencing undesirably difficulty dealing with something. Such terminology signifies an often ironic “struggle” that someone is having, and they want you to know it is in fact probably a first world problem  real. “OMG I literally got no sleep last night because I was binge watching Making a Murderer. The struggle is so REAL.”

“I just can’t adult right now” – Adulting refers to extreme forms of grown up stuff like paying the electricity bill, contributing to a 401k and investing in your personal health. It’s extremely hard to adult sometimes, especially Monday through Friday between the hours of 7am – 5pm PST. And sometimes millennials just *can’t*

adult

-“Cool story, Bro”– An appropriate phrase that sarcastically shares your disinterest in someone’s story immediately after the story had no conclusion, went absolutely nowhere, or just really sucked in general. It is not unusual to hear the term “Bro” meshed with creative word hybrids such as Bromance, Brobi-Wan Kenobi, and BrOMG.

– #Blessed – only used in extremely sarcastic examples like “I just got summoned for jury duty on my three day weekend, so #Blessed ” or sometimes used in its most literal form by girls like this

“She is soooo basic” – There are two scenarios where this phrase comes into play:

 1.)Defining a girl whose Interests include anything viral on the internet, who is an avid consumer of pumpkin spice everything and who has some seriously  strong selfie  game. Basic betch sightings are likely to occur outside of a Starbucks wearing Uggboots, leggings, and a puffy fur jacket with ray bans and probably a mini hand sanitizer hanging from her clutch.

 

2.)The other reason you may define a girl as a basic betch is because you are jealous of her. “OMG Jenny is so basic” –  but Jenny’s only basic because she dresses nice, drives a Range Rover and has a hotter boyfriend than you. #Sorry

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*basic betch starter pack*

“I neeeed a vacation” – typically spoken immediately after a vacation. But the millennial is so exhausted from the constant activities during said vacation that one needs another actual vacation from their vacation.

– “Yea, just Venmo me!” – A phrase used to define how one is going to pay you for something. Cash is a dying form of payment, plus you can attach an “explanation” of what you are paying for which is both beneficial and humorous .

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“Idk, but not trump tho” – This one is self explanatory

trump

-Other standard Millenial lingo includes phrases like “On Fleek”, “Netflix and Chill”, “Bae”, “What the HELL am I doing with my life??”

-“Hey I just left you a voicemail” – said no millennial ever. Voicemails are pretty much prehistoric these days and are designed for telemarketers and your aunt reminding you to bring a dish to the Christmas  party.

Cheers,

K

 

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