HEALTHified Crab Fettuccine Alfredo

No need to bust out those sweatpants for this recipe ladies! Adopted from one of my favorite bloggers, Hungry Girl, this twist on the original creamy, pants-tightening pasta dish is fucking good. And guess what? My version is roughly 200 calories, so feel free to throw on a side salad of sorts.

According to Olive Garden’s Nutritional Info on Fettuccine Alfredo, their version contains 1090 calories, with over half of those calories coming from FAT. Sweet Jesus. Plus, if you are anything like me you cannot avoid those greasy, garlicky UNLIMITED breadstix that are shoveled onto your table faster than you can request for more. Like I’m sorry but just look at these bastards? You try saying no.



So, party people, if you are in the mood for pasta but still want to look good naked, I have the pasta dish for you! My recipe as follows:

-Take 1 package of tofu shirataki noodles. You can usually find these at your local King Soopers (that’s a grocery store) or the standard Sprouts and Whole Foods. But because I’m a cheap broke ass I go for either Trader Joes or King Soopers. Yes, I call all grocery stores King Soopers. These unappetizing but damn good noodles look like this:



This lil baggie will give you a huge bowl of non-noodle noodles. It’s Cray. All for 30 calories. I just changed your life! Now first objective is to get over how weird and a bit different they taste. Once you master that, you won’t notice the difference between those carb loaded bowties and these stringy wormy noodles.

-Drain these fake noodles and put them on medium high heat for about ten minutes, flipping here and there between sips of wine. While those are cooking, get out the ingredients for your sauce.

-The great thing about sauce, is it’s so versatile. But for my recipe, which is my favorite and should be yours too, here are the ingredients:

  1. A handful of Cauliflower
  2. Chopped fresh garlic
  3. One laughing cow cheese wedge
  4. One tablespoon parmesan cheese
  5. lump crab meat (I typically use about 4oz of some type of protein)
  6. Some type of greenery, green onions are the bomb but I only had Kale handy so threw that Superfood right on in
  7. Crushed red pepper, black pepper, dash of sriracha because I don’t eat anything without sriracha
  8. Some people add a bit of unsweatened almond milk, I myself prefer a thicker sauce and nix the milk substitute and just ad a tad of water if needed


-Start by boiling your cauliflower. Cauliflower is a fucking beast in the kitchen. You can turn dishes into thick masterpieces, all while sneaking veggies into your favorite foods. Check out this skinny version of Cauliflower Au Gratin from Tablespoon. Once your cauliflower is boiled and soft to the touch, place it in a food processor. BLEND THAT SHIT. Now you have a thick creamy addition to add to your sauce. Magic.

-Put blended cauliflower into a small pot and add laughing cow cheese, garlic, crushed red pepper, sriracha, Parmesan cheese, kale, and crab. Let that boil for about two min, then simmer for about ten minutes so all the flavors bake together.

-Now place your noodles into a bowl, add your delicious sauce, and turn on some Sons of Anarchy. Just look at Jax….swoon.


It may not look as good as it tastes, but just make it and report back!

Happy Tuesday!



























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